Let me begin by saying I am guilty of a few of these, in fact many are too cute to resist despite the fact that they are completely impractical. This is not a post about what looks good, I have many pairs of shoes that prove that practically does not matter to me, at least not all the time.
1. Nice Rugs In The Kitchen/Bathroom
I have seen them in a number of wonderfully styled kitchens and bathrooms and after the initial wow that looks great I think my word that rug is going to be damp and ruined in the bathroom. Or eeek cleaning under that in the kitchen will be a pain. Perhaps the kitchen rug is a testament to how messy I am, don’t get me wrong I clean my kitchen but I am somewhat flamboyant with food prep.
2. Plant Shelf Window Dressing
Even as I write this I am planning to do exactly this in the bathroom because it looks way too cool to resist. So why do I have a problem with it? Keeping the window clean, I hate cleaning but I like my home to be clean so I like to be efficient with it, also depending on how your window is constructed you may not be able to open it afterwards. And whilst I am throwing all of my neurosis out onto the world wide web I have fear of fire to the degree that I time myself getting out in case of fire, the route I would take based upon the most likely areas of the home to have a fire and how I would get my family and dog out. I feel shelves blocking a possible escape route places an additional fear into an already fearful situation, yet still I plan away.
3. Twisty Twirly Light Shades
Let’s gloss over the problem of dusting because you may start to think I am a clean freak, I’m not. We (I) am more concerned with spider homes, these light shades look far too inviting a location for spiders and their dangling. I also find that they cast some very unflattering, lets just say ugly shadows around a room. Yes they may look nice in themselves but the effect the light has on the rest of the room can make or brake a design.
I watched an episode of Grand Designs once where a couple built their new dream home and by the end of the show they had dispensed of everything that was in their old home and started wearing all black, they even had new super slick haircuts. The thing about a super slick minimal decor is place one thing out of whack and the entire scheme looks awful, it is a really unforgiving look. I don’t want to live in a home that does not allow for the goofy family photo or god awful but completely wonderful thing your child makes for you.
In contrast maximal. Now I thought I was pretty maximal, I am nothing compared to people who fully embrace this look. Not to mention the elongated time it will take to dust, I know I am talking about cleaning again but I am right it will take an age! Maximal, full on maximal is as hard to maintain as full on minimal. You see to the untrained eye it looks like the person has just gone crazy putting stuff all over their house, bold uses of clashing colours and it just happens to work. No, they have spent a lot of time and careful consideration on what to put where and how to clash colours in a way that makes you feel good in the room. It is not a look that will just work if you start throwing anything in just to make it full.
6. Olive Trees Indoors
Simple, they will die. My father in law is a celebrated, full on published in Nature botanist and even he said he could not keep an olive tree alive indoors long term. So I guess this comes down to how rich you are. If you are able and happy to spend £300 on a tree for 4 years then go at it, they are rather wonderful and I do so want one but I did my research first and decided against it. Now there are some faux versions available, they look great online but I have not checked them out up close yet so I will keep you posted.
7. Neon Lamps
For me this is a big no no. They are cool and I do like to look at them but the thought of having such an unflattering light in my home makes me say no. But they do look cool, damn that pay off between style and substance damn it to hell.
8. White Sofas
I would love to say hey a white sofa with children and pets in the house are you crazy but no it is me, me and every other red wine drinker in the world, you know who you are. We all think we can not spill red wine but one drop always finds its way out of the glass and turns into a stain 1000 times larger than the drop was. On my list you can add every food and drink going, I am not a neat eater/drinker. Watch this confession drastically reduce my invitations, so I will quickly jump in and say I always use a coaster guys please can I still come over, I will drink water. Wait even water stains a white sofa.
9. Wire Units/Shelves
It is another cleaning related moan but these things gather dirt and a pain to clean they are also wobbly so it limits what they can hold and guess what I have one. Look how cool it looks right? I had it in my last kitchen and when the building work is done on this kitchen it will return to be a tea station, really cute! So here is my top tip for cleaning them. In a bath of soapy water and make sure you dry it well you don’t want it to rust.
I remember my mum having cork floor tiles in her house in the 80s and she found them dated back then but cork is back but I just do. I have found so many products to be nothing short of stunning the way cork has been added to create texture. I like the cork floors, I really like the cork table but…. It is a big but they get damaged quite easily in comparison to say a wooden table, or slate floor. The slick cork surface will look like a tired noticeboard in the teachers lounge when it starts to get nicked and chipped.
There you have it my top 10 impractical design trends and only 90% of this post makes me sound completely obsessed with dust. Do share if you you can think of any more or if indeed you are that one person who keeps the white sofa looking tip top.