First of all I suppose I should explain to everyone who is not from the North of England what the phrase ‘Keep Your Pecker Up’ means. It means remain cheerful, keep your head held high. In the North of England your pecker is your nose. I believe it has a ruder meaning in the States, believe me I am not talking about that.
This blog is not about my woes but I do like to be honest with my readers. I have had such beautiful personal emails from so many of you and they meant the world to me. I especially like it when I get to meet you guys.
This year has been a particularly hard year. My breast cancer returned, don’t worry I am totally on top of it. Kicking cancer in the ass as we speak! People have left my life this year as well as entered it. The worst thing that happened this year is that I lost my 5th baby. I have not yet managed to carry full term and I mourn and miss each one of my children. Many exciting things have happened this year career wise, and will continue next year, however there is a part of me that feels like I am trying to fill a hole that can never really be filled with work.
I think the main reason that I am sharing this is that I am meeting more and more women who have had this same sadness yet it is the elephant in the room that we just don’t talk about. I feel that during the holiday season it is especially important not to feel like you are on your own in heartache. Since starting this blog I have connected with so many great people and feeling connected is the most rewarding part of what I do here.
I have a long road ahead of me to deal with my grief but in the mean time I wanted to end on a positive note and list some of the things that help me ‘keep my pecker up’
It has taken a long while but I now have a really good set of friends who love and support me.
My mother raised me to be resourceful and tough and that gets me through hard times.
I am educated and I really can’t stress enough how important that is to me.
My friends have had babies this year. This may sound a strange thing to rejoice in considering my circumstances but it fills me with joy to see them create families and see the joy that brings them.
This can be a difficult and well as beautiful time of year for many people. Please speak to someone if you need help. Assistance can come from the most surprising of places.
Tea towel c/o Tozie and Teal